a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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