i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
