You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
