my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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