You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Apparently you make a good broom.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
