gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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