How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
