O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
