before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
