Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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