they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
