I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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