The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
