I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
