Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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