dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
