You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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