I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
