You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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