i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
