If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
