I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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