I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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