My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm at about main and main street
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
