Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
