Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
