Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
