Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
