i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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