i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize