The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
