Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
