hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
