you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
