i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
