a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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