Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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