Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
