he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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