With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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