...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
