sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
