i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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