Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The struggles of a small town man whore
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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