We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize