She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
