Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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