And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
