Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
