Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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