Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dick very happy bro
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
