That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
