You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
