So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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