What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
