i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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