He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
