ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
