It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
