Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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