i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
