Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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