chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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