why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize