After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
